A few knee-slappers about Sailors and ships. Remember, if you like one of these jokes, I made it up. If you don’t like it, I heard it from somebody else.
Funny Boat Names
If you enjoy nautical puns (and who doesn’t?) you might want to drop by All Things Boat. They’ve got some funny stuff over there, whether you’re naming your next boat or just happen to admire a shapely stern.
Bubba Joe’s first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba’s sales pitch.
Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated:
“If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000.”
“If you take out the supplemental GI insurance which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000.”
“Now… Which bunch do you think they’re gonna send into combat first?”
Thanks to Mary S. for this one. She continues to send us good stuff from time to time.
A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, “Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp.
The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, “Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts.”
The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink ‘before the trouble starts.’
After several rounds of this, the bartender says, “Look Sailor, you’ve been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this ‘trouble’ going to start?”
The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. “The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don’t have any money.”
A Sailor sent an e-mail to his wife, informing her that his ship would be returning from deployment a day early. Arriving home, he found his wife with another man. Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the Navy Lodge to decide what to do next. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law.
“Bill” she said, “I checked with my daughter and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode.”
“This I’ve got to hear,” the Sailor said.
“It was an honest mistake,” the mother-in -law said. ” She never got your e-mail!”
Waiting for God…
A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”
The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. Again the Professor taunted God, saying, “Here I am, God! I’m still waiting!”
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face. The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor.
At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent… waiting.
Eventually, the Professor came to. When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row. “What’s the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?”
The Marine smiled. “God was busy. He sent me.”
(Okay… This one is actually a Marine joke, but we liked it anyway.)